How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Professor Martin Stein has been called in to consult on a project. Sounds pretty safe, the Firestorm curse of being terrible with women couldn't possibly raise it's ugly head here right?

Unless the person that called you in for the consult is madly in love with you. Still, that could be ok. If you're a busy scientist, it stands to reason that you'd socialize with your peers. Relationships are going to happen. She looks like a nice emotionally balanced lady. I wonder how they met?

Ah. Well, the student/teacher thing is seldom a good idea at the best of times. We'll just leave it to Martin to let her down gently.

Or not.

Ah well, it's over now. Sure it's awkward, but they're both adults. At least she's not a psycho killer bent on revenge or something crazy like that.

Oh. Nice one Martin. Firestorm matrix strikes again!

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

If there's one thing that made me extremely happy with the new Firestorm book...

...it's that being part of Firestorm still makes the guys lousy with women.

Reboot or not, some things are universal when it comes to Firestorm.

For further examples of Firestorm's most unfortunate super power, click here.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

It's Wonder Woman's special day, with the Justice League in attendance.

Here's the lesson:

Yes, it's nice to compliment the bride, but if you have the track record with women that Firestorm does, it may just be better to shut the hell up. People will read things into even the most innocent of comments.

How Not To Treat Girls, featuring Firestorm

Ronnie and Doreen's relationship has stalled. Time for a heart to heart.

So far, so good.

It's not going to last though, is it?

Intentional or not, Ronnie can never seem to control that most subtle of Firestorm powers...

...the ability to look like an asshat to his girlfriend.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Special Mother's Day edition!



Ah stepmothers, gotta love 'em.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

I'm feeling lazy today*, so I'm gonna hand things over to Ronnie's step mother. Take it away, Felicity.



"Holding back a part of himself"? Yeah, that would be the part of him that's seeing another woman...



*lazier than usual that is

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Martin "Ladies Man" Stein provides todays lesson:

How to handle dating your boss 101.

Current dating "wisdom" dictates that you should act casual and nonchalant when considering an invitation. Martin is a man of action though, and dispenses with such pretense. So should you.

No mucking around, just straight to the point. And quick to remember the most important part: timing. None of this "I'll send you a text later" bollocks.

Once the date is set up, you need to do some planning.

This can be particularly stressful, while you worry about what to wear, whether she'll like your aftershave...

... or small things like actually owning a car to pick up your date.

If you don't know your prospect very well, it pays to do a little digging. People that know her are a good place to start.

Usually. Sometimes this will just make you more nervous.

It's unfortunate, but sometimes a date doesn't go so well. Exit strategy is a delicate science.

Always have a backup story incase she doesn't buy your initial excuse.

Particularly when it's your boss, using a work related alibi may infact lessen the blow. She'll still be annoyed you're bailing, but some part of her will respect your dedication. If you're lucky, that is.

As a last resort, merge with your superhero partner and vanish.
Being a student of good preparation paid off for Martin. Finding out her true nature beforehand left him well prepared to handle the events of the evening, namely:

Imagine what a disaster that could've been if he'd recieved her proposition without some advance warning.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

When you're part of the Firestorm matrix...

...sometimes shit like this just happens.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Ever felt like you forgot something?

Normally this is where fireworks would begin, but Belle shows she's an awesome gal by being understanding about it.

Even if you were really fighting some villain last night as Firestorm, you should generally realise at this point that the girl is indeed a keeper, and do your best to make it up to her. Which usually involves doing whatever she suggests next.

Unless you've been to the Firestorm school of dating, where it makes total sense to blow the girl off again.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Fat Cobra

Fat Cobra sees something he likes.

The old "yawn and stretch" move, a classic.

Just be careful who you try it on.

Someone trained to beat the crap out of people is generally not a good target.
Neither is someone equiped with hair pins.

How Not To Treat Girls, featuring Firestorm

Hiding the clothes of your totally hot superhero girlfriend is not a good id...

You know what? Never mind.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Y'know, I could've sworn I'd covered this one already, but apparently I haven't. On with the show...

Ronnie walks into the school cafeteria and gets in line. Then this happens:

We'll start with the obvious. Don't ignore your girlfriend. Now, apparently there's some crazy girl logic that makes this rule apply at all times when you're in a room together, regardless of whether or not you can see her. If she can see you, assume she's going to think you're ignoring her.

As every guy knows, admitting to your girl that you were in the wrong is a good move, even if you didn't really do anything. However, temper this with the knowledge that girls dislike wimps. Ronnie lays it on way too thick with his lame "I confess, I should have noticed you" bit. It's hardly surprising he was treated with scorn after this line. You need to placate the beast, not give it more reason to attack.

Also, when she's looking like this, it's a pretty good indication of PMS. The only safe option is to run, even if you are Firestorm.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Becoming a superhero is a good way to get girls.

Becoming a creepy superhero isn't.

How Not To Treat Girls, Featuring Firestorm

Galvanometer: "instrument used to measure and detect small electric currents."
Thankfully this was the narrator, and not Firestorm, that chose this device. If you're going to incorporate a device into an explanation of how strongly you feel for someone, don't make it a device that measures small things.



Also, don't call your girlfriend a helicopter.

How not to treat girls, featuring Firestorm

Hey look, it's Firehawk! How are you doing, Lorraine?

Mistake number one: don't try and change the subject when you're in trouble, right Firehawk?

Being all sheepish and embarrassed when you're getting told off can be a good thing. Don't forget your superhero etiquette though.

Of course he didn't think of that Lorraine. He's a moron.

Yes Ronnie, sometime your girlfriend will actually worry about you. I know it's strange and makes no sense, especially with your track record...

He wouldn't have the slightest idea why you're so angry, Firehawk.

Next lesson: after being told off, be like Firestorm and admit that you were a jerk. It can lead to this

Not a terrible outcome, all things considered.